The Bayou Bulletin: Wanting Jake

[TheBayouBullet]

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
Wanting Jake
By Lee Stephen


First and foremost, my apologies for the bulletin being so late this week. The lateness of Monday Night Football and a string of busy days are the culprits. It’ll be good to be back on schedule next week.

So here we are, sitting on the cusp of the weekend that the Saints will face the Carolina Panthers. Is it just me, or does this game just sort of seem like a side dish after the main course? Maybe it’s the short week, or the hype of a Monday night game against our arch-rival, but it’s been hard to get in “Panthers mode” for the coming game. Hopefully the black & gold aren’t having the same issues!

I will be the first to confess that I came into this season expecting the Panthers to be our number one threat. Their slow start to the season shocked me, as did the ineffectiveness of Jake Delhomme. While he’s never been the greatest quarterback, and while he’s always had a little bit of interceptionitis, I never dreamt he’d get off to as horrible a start as he has. Fortunately for him, he may have gotten back on track last week.

Lucky us!

So after pondering the Panthers and Jake Delhomme, and the fact that they seem to have our number in the Superdome (Jake has never lost there, a fact I didn’t learn until this week), I’ve found that one question lingers over pretty much everything else:

WHY???

How can, of all team, the Panthers have our number? How are the Panthers more of a home threat than the Falcons? What do they have going for them that Atlanta and Tampa Bay don’t? How can they dominate us in our home to a greater level than the San Francisco 49ers in their glory days of the NFC West? After much consideration, I think I might have found the answer. And like you may have guessed, it’s all about Jake Delhomme.

Let’s take a little journey back through time. It’s the old NFC West. The Saints are under the control of Jim Haslett, led by quarterback Aaron Brooks, who isn’t exactly lighting the fan base on fire. We all know the story. Brooks gets hurt, and in steps Jake Delhomme. Victory ensues. If you close your eyes and just listen, you’ll begin to hear it…

“We want Jake! We want Jake! We want Jake!”

And we got Jake! Repeatedly. Year after year. Beating us senseless. In our house. My fellow Who Dats…I think we cursed ourselves.

We know a lot about curses down here. We’ve got the only home field in the football world that’s been blessed by both a Voodoo priestess and a nun. If you’re a fan of spiritual weirdness, look no further than the Louisiana Superdome. I think that in our “We want Jake!” euphoria, we essentially got what we asked for. Just not in the way we expected.

So what can we do to end this curse? Is there some kind of magic elixir? A religious ceremony? A rite of repentance through self-mutilation? No, it’s none of the above. I’m a firm believer in the age-old saying, “a simple curse needs a simple solvent” (okay, I just made that up). This whole thing began with “We want Jake.” So what do we do? We take it back.

“Ekaj tnaw ew!”

Not only is this curse-reverse nice and effective, it’s got some vocal merit! “Ew” is pretty much what we all think of when we think of the Carolina Panthers, and if you pronounce “tnaw” like “t-naw” it sounds like the Cajun equivalent of no – the perfect bayou curse rejection. As far as “Ekaj?” Yeah, I got nothing on that one. But just the same, I think this might go a long ways in undoing the damage done by those vehement fans back in the day. As an added bonus, it you pronounce the whole thing, it kind of sounds like some trippy Indian chant. It’s sure to get you noticed! (second base not guaranteed)

Anytime it looks like the Jake of old is rearing his ugly head, bust out the chant. I’m not naïve enough to believe that the whole Superdome will be rocking with this thing, but if enough of us go for the glory with it in front of our televisions, I think it could still work.

Ekaj tnaw ew!

Sounds like a winner to me.

PREDICTION: After Sunday, Jake will wish he was back on the Saints' bench.



GRAY IS THE NEW PINK



We spent October looking at pink everythings all over everything, football fields included. Breast cancer is a serious thing, and it’s always good to raise awareness. Unfortunately, however, there are many other devastating diseases that are oftentimes overlooked. November focuses on one of them.

Every year, over 180,000 Americans die due to complications with diabetes. It affects over 16 million people in our country and over 100 million people worldwide. It is the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure, peripheral vascular disease, peripheral nerve and autonomic dysfunction, amputations, and many other health problems. Every year, more people die from diabetes than breast cancer and AIDS combined.

Like many Americans, I was unaware of the intricacies of this disease until I saw how it affected the person I love most. As the husband of a type-1 diabetic, I witness the challenges my wife faces on a daily basis. Terms like "having a high" and "suffering a low" have become part of my permanent lexicon. I have been introduced to a world of needles, insulin pumps, and blood glucose meters. Experiencing her struggles and her triumphs has shown me just how much I take for granted.

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month. Its mission is to bring attention to diabetes and to implore those with giving hearts to consider donating to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF). Because of the JDRF, diabetics have a network of international support and an organization dedicated to confronting and conquering this disease.

You can go to www.jdrf.org and donate to the JDRF's fight for a cure personally. Just click on the "donate now" tab located at the top-right of the menu. You can give any amount you wish as either a monthly commitment or a one-time donation. No amount is too large or too small—every bit goes toward finding a cure.

If you're the kind of person who likes to get a little something in return, there's a different kind of option for you, as well. You may have noticed that at the bottom of my columns, I leave a small link to the novel series I author. In honor of this National Diabetes Awareness Month, 30% of my November sales will go directly to the JDRF. If you've ever looked at the link and considered giving the books a try, there's no better month than this one. Every book purchased will assist in the cause.

The goal is awareness and action, regardless of how it’s accomplished. What’s important is not what people do, but that people do. Diabetes is a devastating disease, but one we are on the brink of curing. Supporting organizations like the JDRF is a huge way to help.

If you decide to donate because of this message, let me know! I would love to thank you personally for joining the fight. I can be reached at thebayoubullet@hotmail.com.

Now, on to more football-related goodness.




THE TOP-11

1. New Orleans Saints (7-0) – That was a determined team that met New Orleans Monday night. The Saints took the Falcons’ best punch and still won.

2. Indianapolis Colts (7-0) – The Colts won ugly, which is what championship caliber teams do.

3. (+1) Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) – Memories of the rough start the Steelers got off to are fading fast. This is a team that should contend for the AFC Championship.

4. (-1) Denver Broncos (6-1) – No need to panic in Denver, and there still won’t be if they drop another to the Steelers, which I expect to happen.

5. Minnesota Vikings (7-1) – I don’t want to talk about it. Not because I’m bitter. Because I’m just so sick of hearing a certain name.

6. Cincinnati Bengals (5-2) – No movement for the Bengals, who had a bye last week. Tough, tough game against the Ravens coming up.

7. New England Patriots (5-2) – No movement for the Patriots, either, who had two bye weeks in a row. They got to spend the first one in London.

8. (unranked) Philadelphia Eagles (5-2) – After clobbering the New York Giants, the Eagles have a fairly decent shot at the NFC East, provided they maintain their momentum. Gigantic game for them and the next team on our list.

9. (+1) Dallas Cowboys (5-2) – Dallas isn’t as good as Philadelphia, I don’t think, but you never know. I didn’t expect them to bushwhack the Falcons.

10. (-2) Arizona Cardinals (4-3) – Unbelievable loss to the Panthers. If they miss the playoffs, that’s a game they’re going to look back and play “what if” with.

11. (unchanged) Atlanta Falcons (4-3) – Despite losing to the Saints, you really can’t dock the Falcons, here. They played the best team in football, in their house, to the very end.



PICKS:

Had my best picks of the season last week, going 10-3 and hitting the nail on the head with St. Louis and Tennessee getting their first wins. 78-38 so far for the season. On with the picks:


BAL over CIN – Revenge game for the Ravens.
NE over MIA – Important game for both clubs, but the Pats will win.
JAC over KC – This game is pretty much a toss up for me.
IND over HOU – People are calling it a possible upset, but I don’t see it.
ARI over CHI – I think the Cardinals surprise some people, here.
ATL over WAS – The Falcons won’t lose three in a row.
GB over TB – If the Bucs don’t go 0-16, it will be shocking.
NO over CAR – The Panthers streak of winning in the Dome ends here.
SEA over DET – I thought both of these teams would be better.
SF over TEN – Tough loss for the 49ers last week. Rebound time.
NYG over SD – Finally, a win for the G-men.
PHI over DAL – The Eagles will hold onto first place in the East.
PIT over DEN – Two losses in a row will be question marks all over Denver.



Enjoyed this article? Email me at thebayoubullet@hotmail.com and tell me about it!

In addition to sports satire, Lee Stephen is the author of a science-fiction novel series. Learn more about it at www.epicuniverse.com or check it out on Amazon.