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Old 02-04-2010, 02:34 PM   #1
wait, what?
 
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Domesticviolence joke woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.......

woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.


Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home
drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes
home drunk, just take a glass of sweet
tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came
home
drunk, I gargled with sweet tea.
I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:36 PM   #2
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:38 PM   #3
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothin. You already told her twice.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:39 PM   #4
Really?

 
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Nothing like a good DV joke, well except a good lynching joke.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:43 PM   #5
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Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:46 PM   #6
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"These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye... The bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?"

The first guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife.. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY big breasted and I accidentally said `Two pickets to titsburg please!' and I MEANT to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and she hit me.."

The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?"

The second guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said `You fat, ugly, stupid b***h, you ruined my f****ng life'..."

Last edited by ScottishSaint; 02-04-2010 at 02:52 PM.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:49 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galbreath34 View Post
Nothing like a good DV joke, well except a good lynching joke.
I don't mind them. Because I know that if a man beats me once, he better beat me to death.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:57 PM   #8
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I get sent alot of these jokes from my mates.


We have all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
I have given some examples below to help you make the distinction.

GUTS- Is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys only to be met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere"?

BALLS- Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume, beer and with lipstick on your collar, then having the balls to slap your wifes arse and say, "your next fatty".
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:59 PM   #9
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Q: What's the first thing a battered woman should do?

A: The dishes if she's smart.

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Old 02-04-2010, 03:35 PM   #10
Really?

 
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The Report Abuse button is interesting here
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:38 PM   #11
Easily annoyed

 
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I don't mind them. Because I know that if a man beats me once, he better beat me to death.
As I tell GW, "You better make the first shot count, because you won't get a second one."
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:40 PM   #12
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The Report Abuse button is interesting here
LMAO. That was funny, I'm dying over here!
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:44 PM   #13
611, 19, 5-6
 
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Dave Attel:
So I see this girl sitting at the bar, and I decide to go annoy the crap out of her. Then I see she has a black eye, and think "Oh, Great. She doesnt listen."
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Old 02-04-2010, 07:29 PM   #14
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The Report Abuse button is interesting here

[Larry] I don't care who you are, that's funny [/Larry]
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