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02-04-2010, 01:34 PM
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#1
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wait, what?
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Shreveport
Posts: 17,944
Thread Starter
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Domesticviolence joke woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.......
woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home
drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes
home drunk, just take a glass of sweet
tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came
home
drunk, I gargled with sweet tea.
I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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9 out of 11 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:36 PM
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#2
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chooper gunner
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: sitting down
Age: 36
Posts: 38,728
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JGunn
Quick typing words to me, I ignore them 99% of the time, I have no use for you, your words mean nothing to me Del Toro.  |
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1 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:38 PM
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#3
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Very Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 12,907
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin. You already told her twice.
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7 out of 7 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:39 PM
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#4
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Dandy Highwayman
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Pullman, WA
Age: 45
Posts: 20,798
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Nothing like a good DV joke, well except a good lynching joke.
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02-04-2010, 01:43 PM
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#5
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ALL-MADDEN TEAM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Age: 24
Posts: 2,233
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Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
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2 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:46 PM
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#6
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ALL-MADDEN TEAM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Age: 24
Posts: 2,233
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"These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye... The bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?"
The first guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife.. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY big breasted and I accidentally said `Two pickets to titsburg please!' and I MEANT to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and she hit me.."
The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?"
The second guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said `You fat, ugly, stupid b***h, you ruined my f****ng life'..."
Last edited by ScottishSaint; 02-04-2010 at 01:52 PM.
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5 out of 5 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:49 PM
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#7
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Very Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 12,907
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galbreath34
Nothing like a good DV joke, well except a good lynching joke.
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I don't mind them. Because I know that if a man beats me once, he better beat me to death.
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4 out of 4 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:57 PM
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#8
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ALL-MADDEN TEAM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Age: 24
Posts: 2,233
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I get sent alot of these jokes from my mates.
We have all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
I have given some examples below to help you make the distinction.
GUTS- Is arriving home late, after a night out with the boys only to be met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere"?
BALLS- Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume, beer and with lipstick on your collar, then having the balls to slap your wifes arse and say, "your next fatty".
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4 out of 4 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 01:59 PM
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#9
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That's What She Said!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Marrero, LA (What the fellas be yellin')
Age: 38
Posts: 2,662
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Q: What's the first thing a battered woman should do?
A: The dishes if she's smart.
/it's only a joke
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2 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 02:35 PM
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#10
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Dandy Highwayman
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Pullman, WA
Age: 45
Posts: 20,798
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The Report Abuse button is interesting here 
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6 out of 6 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 02:38 PM
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#11
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Easily annoyed
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The Wank
Age: 41
Posts: 4,079
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KardiacKat
I don't mind them. Because I know that if a man beats me once, he better beat me to death.
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As I tell GW, "You better make the first shot count, because you won't get a second one." 
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02-04-2010, 02:40 PM
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#12
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Hall-of-Famer
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Algiers
Age: 34
Posts: 4,399
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galbreath34
The Report Abuse button is interesting here
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LMAO. That was funny, I'm dying over here!
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02-04-2010, 02:44 PM
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#13
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611, 19, 5-6
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Kenner
Age: 31
Posts: 10,025
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Dave Attel:
So I see this girl sitting at the bar, and I decide to go annoy the crap out of her. Then I see she has a black eye, and think "Oh, Great. She doesnt listen."
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2 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 06:29 PM
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#14
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Newbie Dad
Join Date: Jan 2000
Age: 41
Posts: 12,578
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galbreath34
The Report Abuse button is interesting here
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[Larry] I don't care who you are, that's funny [/Larry]
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0 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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02-04-2010, 06:52 PM
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#15
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Very Banned
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: mississippi
Age: 35
Posts: 2,145
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I read recently that there are more than a million battered women in this country. Who knew? All these years I've been eating them raw.
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2 out of 2 members found this post helpful.
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